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Silence will not resolve problems

I want to address those people, who thinks it is easy to grow up a child alone and thinks that it is romanticizing to call a hero to a single parent. Yes, we are heroes!

 

Why? Because being a single parent means that you are in conflict with anybody around you, you need to break stereotypes and cope with all problems alone.

 

I want to address those too, who believes that single parenthood was my choice and now I have no right to complain about it. Yes, it was my choice! It was difficult to choose between the life and the child.

 

Of course it is difficult for big part of the society to realize it because they have never been in similar situation and cannot understand what we have to undergo every day. Because we need to cope with your negative attitudes caused by our past; in parallel to that we need to take care of the child’s future and resolve daily problems ALONE.

 

But imagine that you are alone with an underage child; that you are really alone and the second parent of your child is just a record in a birth certificate and he/she never participates in the growth of the child.

 

Maybe it is fault of the society that everybody keeps silence and nobody speaks about these issues loudly. One wonderful lady said that violence is flourishing in silence. I would add that not only violence. We cannot resolve problems in silence. If we keep our eyes blind and will not speak up, it does not mean that there is no problem.

 

Do not forget that the children abandoned by a mother or a father are standing behind single parents. This situation is the most stressful for the children. They start asking questions from very early age – why only the mother takes him to kindergarten when his group-mate is sometimes accompanied by a father? Where is the second parent? – The answers are worse than obscurity; so we prefer to stay silent.

 

I and my child had hard life. I did not even visit a doctor during 9-month pregnancy not to speak about other problems. As a result, doctors detected symptoms of nervous disorder when he was crying as an infant. The examination showed that it was result of the problems we had during pregnancy.

 

If we speak only about social problems, there were periods when my child was drinking only tea because could not buy other food for him. I could not buy diapers and to protect him from getting wet and cold, I used to take the used diapers of my neighbor’s child; I used to take inner part of the diapers out and then washed the rest outer part, where I was putting cloths and then used for my child.

 

I remember he was 7 months old when suddenly he mumbled a “daddy”. There was period when he thought my brother was his father because he was the only man in the family. He was calling father to my brother-in-law, husbands of my friends because their children were calling them the “father.”

 

Afterwards, when he grew up and realized the things, he became self-isolated. I understand that the most difficult period started in his life. I know that he understands everything but does not speak about it. It is tabooed topic for us. So, I think we need support of a psychologist because I do not know how to speak with him; how to explain things to him without harming his feelings. He will have to live with that, as an abandoned child by father.

 

Past years were very stressful and difficult for me and for my child. But I knew that I could not give up and I had to be not ordinarily good but extraordinarily good parent. When it comes to a child and his future, even the weakest parent may become the strongest. And today I am proud that regardless many discrimination and social difficulties we could stay strong on our feet and I am growing up a decent person. So I am getting more convinced that I made right decision because all bad has gone in the past … me and my child have each other.

 

However, it does not mean that we do not need somebody’s support. It is important to feel that somebody understands you and wants to help and encourage you. It is not important who will assist you – the state, society or any organization.

 

So, I address you all, whom it concerns or not, we must stand together and make decision-makers hear our voice. A system shall be created which will study the cases of each single parent individually and assist them with relevant programs. But meanwhile the society shall grow up and support us morally instead degrading us.

 

Here the needs of the child are more important than the needs of the parents; however, children always stay in the shade. The state shall take this issue into account.

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